Facing Difference: Building interfaith relationships of respect in Sheffield – by Aglaia Barraclough
Posted: 19 March, 01:14 by Jon Dorsett
Negative feelings can sometimes creep up on you. They are very unwelcome. One day I was in Sheffield city centre, people watching. I saw a woman dressed in a hijab and nikab, her whole body, head and face completely covered in black cloth, walking a few steps behind a man dressed in a salwar kameez, his face covered with a beard. As I watched them I felt angry and perplexed. I thought ‘surely this is not what she wants; surely this woman is being oppressed by this man, by her culture, by her religion’, ‘doesn’t she realise she doesn’t have to dress like that here!’ I also felt frightened because their presence in Sheffield, as they were, challenged all the effort and struggle that has gone into liberating women from patriarchy. Why can’t she walk next to him? Hold his hand? Show her face to the world? It seemed wrong to me and for a moment I felt these people were my enemies and they threatened important values that I held dear. I didn’t know them, had never spoken to them, and yet I felt such strong negative feelings towards them.
This experience was just a brief moment in my life, but suddenly it felt that I was connected to the global turbulent debate about culture and ‘way of life’, truth and freedom of expression. I felt I wanted to respond in some way. It seemed heavy stuff, possibly too difficult for ‘little-old-me’ to handle, and possibly out of my reach to make any significant difference. And yet…
At the Peace School gathered weekends we are surrounded by quotes from people who have walked a difficult path and learnt some valuable lessons. I pondered the ones on the importance of small actions. In particular:
If you think you are too small to make an impact, you obviously haven’t spent a night with a mosquito. – Anita Roddick
Learning about the experiences of other peacemakers, I have come to realise that single steps are necessary for change towards peace. I felt I needed to confront the processes, internally and externally, that turn other people into my enemies. I know that in the gospels I am called to love my enemies, to bless them, do good to them, pray for them. So I joined a local, small, grass-roots project in Darnall, Sheffield that aims to bring Christians and Muslims together to get to know one another and to develop relationships of trust and respect. The aim is to learn to connect with one another on things we have in common, to learn about each others culture, faith and ‘way of life’ and share sensitively about the things we disagree on. I have found it a privilege to bond and make friends with Muslim women, to let them get ‘under my skin’ and start to see the world through their eyes.
But it has not been an easy experience. One of the women I have become very close to started to wear a hijab and kitab, (in the presence of all men but her husband), after coming to this country, against the advice of her parents and husband. We discussed her decision to do this over many long hours. She tried to help me understand that it was her way of demonstrating love and devotion to Allah and that it did not mean women were not equal with men before God. I often felt angry as I listened to her explanations and this sometimes showed on my face, which caused tension between us. Her reasoning and worldview seemed totally at odds with mine in many ways, and yet, we liked each other so much and enjoyed seeing one another and running a women’s discussion group together.
As we talked I realised how much a product of our own particular life stories and cultures we were, and how difficult it was for either of us to leave behind treasured values and practices. Some of the questions that we have to tackle include: How much of me can I allow to be changed through relationships with people so different to me? What is essential to my identity that I would never let go of? Can we really exist peacefully together when we are so different? Is it more peaceful if we live far enough away from each other so that we do not have to confront our differences?
I have found that trying to be a peacemaker in these situations requires that you acknowledge real differences and don’t hide them but more importantly continue to regard someone positively and with trust despite all the obstacles. We found that promising to love one another and not to harm each other knowingly was important to continue working through our differences. In the end it has been rather like the promises I made when I got married!
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